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Scratch 'N' Sniff
(US); (UK) | Production =10313 | Writer =Lily Taylor | Director =Tony Tilse | Guests =Tammy MacIntosh (Jool), Francesca Buller (Raxil), Tamblyn Lord (Fe'Tor), Laura Keneally (Theiadh), Anthony Martin (Mitols), Milan Keyser (Sarl), Jaye Paul (Heska Tinako, Julia Trappe (Blue Girl), Rachel Sheriff (Green Girl) | Episode list = | Prev =Meltdown | Next =Infinite Possibilities - Daedalus Demands }} Vacation for Moya's crew is anything but when a businessman's operation turns out to be a little deadlier than advertised. Synopsis Down on a pleasure planet, LoMo, Ka D'Argo and John Crichton are in a bar. D'Argo tells Crichton that he is exactly like a Sebacean, when Chiana comes over acting all trippy and mentions that Pilot banished them from Moya because they keep fighting all the time. Jool comes over, in a worse state than Chiana, and the girls leave to have more fun. Two other girls approach Crichton and D'Argo and they all go and dance. Later, D'Argo wakes Crichton telling him that the girls spiked their drinks and took their money. Crichton suddenly realizes that they're in a window, with people watching. When D'Argo tells him to get dressed, he notices that he's wearing stockings, and screams and runs off. On Moya, Pilot tells Crichton that he said ten solar days away from Moya and he meant ten. Crichton says that he's trying to explain what happened, but Pilot is not happy that he returned after two. Crichton says that Pilot told him that if he could explain it he could stay on board, so the story begins... Crichton and D'Argo are on a beach, arguing again, when they notice a familiar face from the bar and the window, an alien called Raxil. D'Argo wants to know if she stole their currency, but she says that she knows what happened to their females - the grey one and the really annoying gold one. She says that she has a recording, but Crichton is skeptical. She says that Crichton isn't very smart, but D'Argo has a brain. She then shows them Jool's comms, so they go with her. Raxil takes them to a Han-jee named Kabaah. Pilot has seemingly heard of the Han-jee but doesn't believe Crichton actually met one. Apparently Han-jee they record what they see, even when their eyes are not attached to their body. Kabaah has a recording of "the show," but they need to pay. Raxil is forced to hand over the money for them, since their currency was stolen, but her money just happens to be the same currency. Crichton is suspicious, but they plug themselves in and become immersed in the recording. It shows Jool doing a flip, attempting to impress the audience and win a bet with Chiana. Chiana twirls fire in front of a man, who then faints. The crowd applaud and Chiana orders a drink. She's approached by a man, Fe'Tor, who makes her inhale something. Apparently Fe'Tor rounds up all the good-looking women, gives them the whiff, and then the women do anything. He then hurts the women to produce freslin. D'Argo goes with Raxil to Fe'Tor's place and Crichton goes to the bar to look there. D'Argo returns to meet Crichton on the beach and describes his time at Fe'Tor's residence. Jool was there, taking a bath, as Chiana entertained Fe'Tor. Chiana thought that D'Argo was there because he was jealous. When D'Argo went to drag them back, Fe'Tor's men pulled guns on him and forced him to leave. D'Argo is upset with Raxil and strangles her, so she sprays something in his eye. Then we cut to the bar, where D'Argo is dancing... Pilot stops the story, saying that it makes no sense. He says that Crichton makes no sense, but Crichton says that this part is important. Raxil tells Crichton that she sprayed D'Argo with some freslin, a drug that makes people attracted to others, but the effects depend on where it's manufactured. She says that she thinks Fe'Tor wants the girls to milk them for freslin, as we see Fe'Tor taking Jool to the chamber. Raxil says that Fe'Tor has her mate, Sarl, and she wants to get him back. Crichton notices Fe'Tor's assistant enter the bar and goes up to him saying that he's looking for freslin, as we see Fe'Tor milking Jool at which point Pilot interjects stating that if having that much bodily fluid drained would have killed her; Crichton tells him to be quiet and let him finish the story. Crichton convinces the man and receives something that will get him into "the auction." Crichton goes to the Han-jee and forces it to show them Fe'Tor's compound's layout. In the auction room, Harvey appears, seemingly happy to finally be meeting Ka D'Argo. He gives advice, showing the two some circuit breakers that will blow the lights to every level. They find the milking room and count the numbers of steps between it and the auction room (since they'll need to navigate it in the dark once the power is out) but can't agree on the actual number. In Fe'Tor's chamber, Chiana awakes and goes too look for Jool, but Fe'Tor finds her. D'Argo argues with Raxil and she says that she didn't plan everything so they could back out now. D'Argo is irate that she planned everything and tells Crichton what she said. She's not impressed that they only have two measly guns, apparently having heard stories of how great they are. She says that she set it up so Fe'Tor would take Jool and Chiana and so she could get her mate back. She sprays D'Argo with freslin again, when Kabaah says that he has a live connection. Crichton sees Fe'Tor milking Chiana and tells D'Argo that he should look. A weird looking alien appears, but Raxil says that the freslin she sprayed D'Argo with makes him look this way, apparently a disguise. Pilot is having none of it, and says that he doesn't appreciate Crichton's lies. Crichton mentions that in all the time they've never known each other he has never lied to Pilot before. At the auction house, Fe'Tor tells his assistant to ring Jool until failure. As they enter, Fe'Tor suggests the Nebari girl to Crichton. He is surprised to see Raxil, thinking she had given up the freslin trade. The bidding begins as Crichton and D'Argo argue with Raxil for not saying that she used to trade. She tells D'Argo that he must stay calm or the freslin will wear off. Fe'Tor begins the auction for Chiana and when the bidding gets high, Crichton bids. He is then outbid, so asks to take a closer look. He then bids even higher, but again is outbid. Once again, Crichton gets a closer look, snuggling up asking Chiana where Jool is, which makes D'Argo angry. Crichton bids high, but again is outbid. This time it's too much and he says that he needs more time to outbid, but is told to step aside. Chiana is sold and D'Argo has a go at Crichton for caressing her body which causes him to change back to his usual appearance. Crichton takes out the lights, and gunfire ensues. D'Argo gets into the milking room and tongues the assistant. Raxil's mate is dead, but after D'Argo escapes with Jool, Chiana and Crichton enter the milking room to find Raxil, who has gotten her stolen machine design back and runs off. Chiana runs off too, but as Crichton goes to leave Fe'Tor attacks him. Chiana comes up behind him and throws a load of freslin over him, saying that he'll die happy. Back on Moya, Crichton tells Pilot that Raxil used them so it's not all their fault. Pilot still doesn't believe the story, because there were too many inconsistencies. Chiana and Jool are still sleeping, so Crichton says that he will explain again, but Pilot says no. He's located a planet nearby and says that Crichton and D'Argo will stay there in accommodation. They will return for the pair in eight solar days. Crichton says that it was real, but Pilot says he and Moya desire time away from their constant bickering and this adventure did not alleviate that need. He kicks Crichton out, and then Crichton has to tell D'Argo they're being thrown off Moya again and the two quickly descend into yet another argument. Memorable quotes * :John: What happened? :D'Argo: What didn't happen? :John: Oh god, there were girls, right? * :John: "D'Argo...we're in a window. There are people watching. :D'Argo: Uh huh. I think they've been there for about seven arns, so why don't you just get dressed and give them a good show, sweetheart. :John: I am dressed. (Looks down) Aaaiiieeek! * :Raxil: You're not very smart, are you? Now he - he's got a brain. But you, you're a bit of an idiot. * :John: How long have we known each other? :Pilot: Approximately two and a half LONG cycles. * :John: Does this guy just scream Vegas or what? * :Pilot: I don't believe you. :John: Why not? :Pilot: Too many inconsistencies. Too much obfuscation. :John: "Obfuscation"? How the hell does that translate? * :D'Argo: What, he didn't believe you? :John: No. :D'Argo: Well, what was that thing about a slim duck? :John: Slam dunk. * :John: You would argue with a lamppost. :D'Argo: I do not. Open the door. :John: You open it. :D'Argo: You open the door. :John: What, you're a girl, I'm going to open the door for you? Open the door. :D'Argo: I'm older than you, show some respect. Open it. :John: You can't open it? I'm not opening the door. :D'Argo: I'm not opening no door. You open it. Background information * Claudia Black (Aeryn) and Paul Goddard (Stark) do not appear in this episode. *The original script called for the episode to be a dark noir detective story. *Francesca Buller a.k.a. Mrs. Ben Browder makes her third appearance, and her third role, on the show. *Anthony Simcoe originally had a different voice for the disguised ("Dandy") D'Argo but his regular voice was redubbed in ADR so viewers would know that it was him. ( ) *The beach scenes were filmed at Marubra Beach, a popular Sydney resort, at 8 A.M. in freezing cold temperatures. ( ) *This episode contains over 1300 picture edits. ( ) *Gigi Edgley juggles firesticks in real life and was encouraged to do so on the show when she was noticed doing it in her off-camera time. ( ) *Jool's acrobatics were actually performed by Tammy MacIntosh, who had been a gymnast prior to becoming an actress. *Chiana's new wig debuts in this episode after it was felt that the first wig had, according to makeup supervisor Sheldon Wade, "suffered almost two years of abuse." ( ) *For the first time, the regular theme music is omitted from the closing credits, with a piece of lounge music substituted. The second is Crichton Kicks, again with altered music, and the third is Bad Timing, with no music at all. *For the first time, Harvey meets a Moya crewmember other than Crichton, Aeryn and Jothee. *In the past, D'Argo's tongue sting has usually been reserved for subduing fellow crewmembers. This is the first episode to show him actually using it in a direct offensive situation against a bona fide enemy. *The DVD features an alternate ending for this episode that is substantially different than what was broadcast. In this version, John and D'Argo are essentially forgiven by Pilot with no reference to them being banished from Moya further. After leaving Pilot's den they find Raxil who, despite her involvement in the "milking" technology, has been taken on board Moya. Raxil enthuses about potential future adventures, but D'Argo and John inform her that she will be let off on a nearby industrial planet and her data chip is destroyed. The only aspects of this scene to survive to the final edit were a quick shot of D'Argo and John arguing in Pilot's chamber, and a shot of them sharing a "high-five". *The appearance of Harvey in this episode confirms that the Scorpius clone has also been duplicated, as he had also appeared to the other Crichton in "Relativity". *Due to the numerous drug references, this episode was shifted by the BBC from its normal UK timeslot of 6:45pm Monday to a 9:00pm Saturday slot in order to allow it to run uncut. Links and references Starring * Ben Browder as John Crichton * Claudia Black as Aeryn Sun * Anthony Simcoe as Ka D'Argo * Gigi Edgley as Chiana * Paul Goddard as Stark * Lani Tupu as Bialar Crais * Wayne Pygram as Scorpius Guest stars * Tammy MacIntosh as Jool * Francesca Buller as Raxil * Tamblyn Lord as Fe'Tor * Laura Keneally as Theiadh * Anthony Martin as Mitols Guest cast * Milan Keyser as Sarl * Jaye Paul as Heska Tinako Puppeteers * Sean Masterson * Tim Mieville * Mat McCoy * Mario Halouvas * Fiona Gentle * Dave Collins Voice artists * Lani Tupu as Pilot * Richard Carter as Kabaah Uncredited co-stars * Julia Trappe as Blue Girl * Rachel Sheriff as Green Girl References arn; aura morph; basketball; brandar tile; comms; cycle; dollar; dredgenaut; dren; Elepuria; fekkik; frell; freslin; grimmit; grommet; gunship; Han-jee; Harvey; Human; Interion; kaznick; lamp post; Las Vegas; Lassie; LoMo; Love Potion #9; Luxan; Luxan tongue sting; miramar root; mivonks; Montim; Moya; Nebari; Negnec; phanix; Pip; pooka; pulse pistol; Rainbow Coalition; raslak; Ren and Stimpy; Sebacean; senal gland; Shadow Depository; slam dunk; solar day; television; tralk; transport pod; External link * Category:Season 3 episodes